Hey hey

I know I have been away for a while.
((5 days isn't that bad tbh AHAH))
I'm not going to catch up on my challenges just yet because I have some things to do but I guess i should update you on how I've been?

The thing thats been getting to me recently is that the guy I used to really like has been on my mind alot lately.
Well it all started when I had a dream that he moved to my school and I felt sorry for him because he had no friends, so I invited him to hang out with the group. Throughout the dream, it was just him becoming apart of my life again.

It's been on my mind and I can't shake off the feeling that I'm going to go somewhere and see him and my dream will come true ((LOL)), that he'll come back into my life.
When I wake up from my dream, we're just friends again.

I don't know how I would react if he were to come back into my life again.
I feel like I should be angry at him but I don't think I have it in me to be upset with him.
Like he doesn't even know how I felt, so if he did come back and I was suddenly angry at him, it wouldn't make sense to him and the situation would be even messier.
And although I am over him , he still does have a special place in me. I mean he is the closest I have ever gotten to "loving" somebody.

But if he came back, I don't think I could just treat him like nothing ever happened.
Well obviously it was nothing to him but I went through dark times and forgetting it ever happened would be too hard.
He hurt me and i was never the one to forgive and forget.

Although the chances of it ever happening are slim and thinking about it will just drive myself crazy but I can't help myself.

I wonder what this dream means. Well first of all does it mean anything? Or am I just being delusional and obsessed?

Little stuff like this drives me crazy.
I get so caught up that I don't even know what I'm doing with myself half the time.

Sometimes I wish that when I told him that I liked him, that he would have surprised me and said he returned my feelings and we would've been so cc and lived happily ever after.
And then sometimes I wish that I never got close to him and that none of it ever happened.
More the former though. I don't regret getting to know him and liking him.
I only regret getting so attached.

It really doesn't sound like I'm over him does it? AHAH
I am. For the most part I am.

x0xo
ash