Eunmi’s POV

My emotions are a mess. I’m feeling so many things right now. I really can’t believe what just happened.

Well I can’t really say just. Time seems to escape me when I'm in an emotional state.

Even though I’m feeling a mix of emotions, I feel alone and confused most, right now.

I don’t think there has ever been a moment where Hoya and I have been away from each other for long periods of time. The most would’ve probably been a week. And even in that week, we were constantly texting, calling, skyping, finding any way to see each other. We never really leave each other alone, never giving time to miss each other. Well I guess Hoya never really left me alone. Whether it was me, who was the one away or Hoya who was away, he never failed to check up on me. It was enjoyable and cute in the beginning. Unlike most girls, I never found his clinginess annoying, after time passed, it became something of a routine. Hoya just checking up on me. Never did it really occur to me that he was clingy, he was just being Hoya.

This feeling of missing somebody is so foreign to me.  Is this why he was doing this to me? To make me miss him? But why? Didn’t he know that I loved him?

Sure I never really said it much. But when I did, did he not realise that I really meant it?

Although the time we’ve been apart isn’t physically that long, it feels like it’s been forever since I last saw him. This loneliness is not only playing with my heart but it was really messing with my head. Time seems so long when you’re alone.

You’d think that this loneliness has consumed me whole but my confusion is almost as bad as me being lonely.

I don’t understand. What is a break? Are we still together or not? And most importantly why was he doing this?

Hoya loved me. I knew that for sure. If he didn’t, he would’ve ended our relationship a long time ago. Hoya is a very straight forward person, if he was breaking up with me, he wouldn’t have included all that stuff about “taking a break”. So what were his real intentions?

There were many possible reasons.

But why do it in such a way? It wasn't Hoya, to do things like that. He even told me to call him, when I realised my own feelings. Wouldn’t have been better to go for a clean break, then asking the person who you were breaking up with to call you?

There was the possibility that he wanted to break up with me. But I knew who wouldn’t do it like that. There was a small part of me not wanting to believe the fact that he wanted to leave me.

Another possibility could be that he wanted me to learn something that needed us not to be together. Was it the fact that I took him for granted? I knew I did, I just didn’t like seeing it that way.

I can be insensitive. I wouldn’t say I took him for granted. I just wasn’t really good at showing how I felt, even though I was the sort of person who craved affection and attention. Sure, it wasn’t too hard to tell the person that you love, that you loved them back but I just wasn’t the sort of the person to say things unless I felt the moment really needed those three words.

But when exactly were those moments? Did I miss the chance to when Hoya suggested taking the break? I said I would tell him when he was back to his normal self, but that resulted in him leaving me, so that we could both figure out things in our lives.

Ok I admit it. I can be thoughtless when it came to other people’s feelings. But Hoya knew this right? That even though I don’t really voice or show my feelings, he knows right?

Or not. It would explain why he left me.

I’ve known Hoya for years. Since we’re 16 years old, till now, 23 years old. Seven years is a long time to keep these feelings to himself. Wouldn’t he have simply gotten over the fact that I’m not the sort of person who does things like that?

Or am I being inconsiderate? If Hoya didn’t show his emotions to me, I wouldn’t have gotten over it.  But why is it now that he decided to say things like this? I guess our fight may have been a tipping point.

But there seems like more to this then just me. Me acting the way I do was of course a big problem but there seemed like much more…

Was there something for him as well? Was there another girl? No, Hoya wouldn’t do that. There had to be something else. He didn’t base decisions off one thing. Hoya needed more reasons for him to establish a reason to do things. It made sense for him to do things that way.

Unlike me, who thought that one reason was enough to justify any and everything.

I would talk to him. I had to talk to him. I had to found out where we stand, what everything all meant. The decision he made wasn’t something that ended after an exchange of a few words. Things don’t just end like that. They couldn’t end like that.

I won’t allow it.

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Zz this took me a while to write. Had no idea where I was going to go with it, up until a few hours ago. Started and finished this today. Accomplishment.  Satisfied with the chapter.