I tell myself over and over again that I want you to be happy and the more I say it the more I believe it. It makes me a bit happier because it makes me feel selfless but at the end of the day I know better.

I want your happiness but I want to be the reason for that happiness.

I delude myself with thoughts of being selfless and that I’m the better person but really I am just as bad as anyone else. The fact that I don’t blatantly show my selfishness and my extreme jealousy, is why I let myself believe that I am saint and that I am oh so innocent.

But its times when I see you so happy and I know that I don’t just want your happiness. Hell, I would rather you upset, than happy with someone that isn’t me. I am selfish and horrible and I hate myself for it.