Afraid:

I am afraid of uncomfortable situations.

I am horribly awkward and cannot keep a conversation to save my life, how I ever made friends is beyond me. 

It scares me because being in an uncomfortable situation with someone makes me think about all the things they could be thinking about me. She's so uncomfortable and weird and awkward and shy and cold and unfriendly and not very nice and doesn't even try to put in any effort.

I do realise that I can be like that but I don't intend to be. I think if you get to know me more, I'm less like that but I think people have bad first impressions of me, so they don't really want to get to know me AHAH. I wish I was more approachable, it's just that my naturally shy personality gets in the way of that.

I mean even when you do get to know me I am still unapproachable. 

I wish that people would come to talk to me about their problems and stuff. 

 Love:

I love people who click with me.

There are very few people who I feel like I click with.

Because of my said personality, there aren't many people who I feel understand me.

I'm not trying to make my personality seem really ~*strange and quirky*~, I'm just unapproachable.

I don't have conventional ideas or thoughts or I just say things that are too straightforward, so I love it when people feel the same way and agree with me.

Don't get me wrong I have plenty friends who I love, just not a lot of them who I feel like we think and act in similar ways.

and it's also not to say that I only click with people who have similar personality with me, I guess I  love when people just understand me and understand why I say and think and do certain things.

Having that level of connection makes relationships so easy and effortless.

Lost:

I've lost too many friendships.
Any close friendship I form, I at some point lose.
and this is why I am so insecure about making friendships or being close to people.
My first best friend I still remember but I don't even know is she remembers who I am.
The person whom I've been friends with longest, is still someone I consider a close friends and nothing has ever gotten between us but I am lucky to see him once every few months. Our lives are so different.

I feel like after awhile I just get boring. I mean, I'm by no means interesting but people seemed to get tired of me. I wish I knew how to be more charismatic and enjoyable to be around.
And I guess that fact that I'm not into the sentimental stuff, is also why my friendships never last.
I don't know. I have a lot of things wrong with me and I guess I should know that being friends with me isn't the greatest AHAH

But yeah I've lost so many friendships, which I wished kept longer. I tell myself that having regrets is pointless but I seem to always keep regretting not trying hard enough in friendships.
I wish I was a better friend :(