December 14, 2014
rambling@8:49 PM
“My pride is stronger than my feelings. Don’t try to play me. I could think of you 24/7 and you still wouldn’t hear from me.”
I empathise with this quote on all levels.
It's not that I don't like expressing my emotions, it's just that I can't articulate myself well and sharing how I feel becomes such an awkward experience.
It would be okay if I was shameless but because of my pride, I hate embarrassing myself and my incoherentness is just painly embarrassing for me.
If I tell you, in some shape or form (and by form, I will most probably text you), that I care for you or that I love you, trust that I mean it. The fact that I'm texting it to you, shows that I am taking the time to clearly express myself, instead of saying something awkward and half-assed in real life.
I also don't express myself often, so if that one time isn't enough, than I apologise for not being expressive enough but then again that's just who I am. If who I am now isn't enough, just know that I'm a work in process and I'm always trying very hard to be better as a person.
I have many insecurities and not being well spoken is one of them. I have so many feelings, thoughts and ideas and one thing I am truly blessed for is the internet. Without the internet I wouldn't be able to unbottle all the things that I've left unsaid. And not only am I able to express myself but it's also in a manner where I don't feel uncomfortable.
TLDR; I hate cliches but don't judge a book by it's cover
